Baby? What does he mean baby? He wants a baby. Like a child? My head is in turmoil but my eyes remain firmly shut. When I am starting to feel like we are going to be good friends or something, he throws ‘baby’ at me. I am sure he thinks I am asleep. I wait for him to talk more on it but he doesn’t. He just revs the engine and pulls out. The journey to my place is uneventful and I only know we have reached there when he stops the car and taps me gently on my shoulder. I pick up my sandals and shoulder bag from the back and make to open the door.
“Let me carry you in.” He offers.
“No. I am okay.”
“But your ankle?”
“Tfare, I had fun. Let’s do this again, sometime.” He says and puts his hands into the pockets of his pants.
Oh glad! He wants to do this sometime!
I smile but my heart is still racing from what he said when he thought I was sleeping. A baby? I want to ask him to be sure especially since I already have a pretty good idea what he meant. “See you some other time, Akin.” I say instead.
Days passed; Weeks passed.
Akin and I grew closer even though I was hesitant. Now that I know that he has ulterior motive, I am wary. He calls often and we hang out too when my schedule is not so busy.
We are walking to the front of my room with him walking behind me after a hang out at a bar on a Saturday night when he stops me by my shoulder just as I am about to fish for my key. I turn to him and can’t help grinning at his ridiculous attempt at staying incognito. He is sporting a baseball cap and shades. These past few weeks, people have been apprehending him and most of them have been awed. I know he is a big deal but I actually started feeling it when lots of fans kept coming up to him. Now, I understand the reason behind the cap and the shades but it still makes me laugh.
“I’m sorry about the way I acted earlier this evening. It was like a transfer of aggression of som sorts. I came here for some me time..” He quickly amends when he sees my reaction to his statement. “No, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy your company. It’s not you. It’s just that the amount of people that are getting to know I’m in Ife is growing and soon people will get wind of it. People I don’t want to. I came here to remind myself of who I truly am and for another reason I want to disclose to you so badly but I think you are not ready for.” He says in a rush.
I bite my lips to keep from asking the question that has been beating a drum in my head for weeks but it doesn’t work.”What did you mean when you said you wanted a baby?” I ask and watch for his reaction. It’s a mixture of huge shock and small relief.
“Whoa, how did you….? What… When…” He rubs his palm over his face. “I thought you were asleep? ” I shrug in reply. “Can I come in? I don’t want my private matter to be all over the news in the morn.”
I nod my head towards the door and I walk in with him coming behind me.
“Please, sit down.” I invite.
“Thanks.” He says as he looks around for probably a comfortable but not intrusive space.
“So..” I prompt as soon as he finds one and sit.
“Yes, Tfare. I want a child. Don’t tell me to adopt one. I want to have a child from my own loins.”
I blush at his choice of word for so many reasons. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I have known you for a long time…” I didn’t even realise I was shaking my head in the negative till he pointed it out. “Stop shaking your head. Let me make my point first.”
“I am not having a kid for you.” I state.
“So, what are you saying? What if I wanted to be in a relationship with you?” He teases and I feel doubtful, momentarily. What if he wasn’t even referring to me? Oh my God! I just jumped the gun. This is so embarrassing. I can feel my cheeks growing hot. I want to pat them right now to dispense some of the heat.
“I am not sexually attracted to you.” I say desperately trying to save what is left of my dignity. “So, I can’t be in a relationship with you.” I sit down because my legs can’t hold me up again. Bad choice. I’m too close.
“Are you sure?” I am staring into his brown eyes and growing rapidly out of words, I’m opening my mouth like fish out of water. What is he doing? Oh God. This is glorious. His lips are on mine and are pushing all the right buttons. I may think I have successfully buried all the feelings I have for him and I’m now content with just being friends, but I am only deceiving myself. Every nerve is at attention to his touch. He is leaving a trail of fire all over my body. Hmm. His hands are on my waist and he has moved closer to me. More. I’m enjoying this so much, it’s hard remembering what we were discussing. Hmmm. His hands are moving upwards. I think I’m moaning. They are soon on the underside of my breasts. He is tugging at my top. Nope!
I weakly push him away but he moves closer and tightens his hold.
“No.” I say weakly and it serves as a switch to him. He stops immediately, looking momentarily stunned. “I am sorry. I meant for it to be a small kiss. I’m sorry. So sorry.” He apologizes.
“You don’t have to be. I was a part of it as much as you were.” He shifts away. “Boluwatife, you may be saying you don’t want this but your body is saying differently.” He says averting his gaze. I know he is trying to be honest right now and I wish I could be too but I don’t think he is strong enough to know the reserves of my heart for him.i can’t have half of him. It’s either all or nothing. I can’t be his baby mama. If I remember correctly, he he never said anything like marriage or love.
“My body needs a lot of attention right now but it isn’t speaking for my heart. OR MIND.” My dad would be of proud of me right now.
He sighs deeply. “So, this is never happening?” He asks.
I look at him, eyeballs to eyeballs so as to convince him and myself that it is never happening. “No.” I see the hurt look that registers on his face but it is brief. I’m just glad that we have cleared this. This is the best decision I made this year.
“Okay.” He sits still for a minute, staring silently at my bag lying few feet from his leg.
Okay. What is really going on here? “Is there a problem?”
“No.” He says calmly. “Will you help me look for a surrogate?”
I want to say no but I can’t refuse the expression on his face. Something is going on here. “I will try but will you tell me what is happening?”
“Nothing is happening.” He says and smiles but I’m still not convinced. “I just want a child. I’m glad you want to help me. I will pay you. Of course.”
“Nope. It is safe to assume we are friends, rights?”
“Yes.” He says and beams. “But I still want to. I can do that. This will take a lot of your time and I would feel better if I knew I was paying you for it. Of course, I won’t let it disturb your studies.” He promises.
“Okay. I will find something later. For now, I’m doing it pro bono.” I state definitely.