You may enjoy the tune to a particular song. Even sing along with the singer and feel good but you don’t understand what the singer is going through or don’t understand truly, closely the meaning of the song till you really are in the same position in my life. I walk slowly to class, hands in my pockets and earphones in my ears. It’s the first day of resumption and I have never been this excited about resumption in my life. I finally can put the disaster my life has been these past weeks behind me. He called the first few days but I didn’t pick. I spent the two weeks at home like a zombie. My dad didn’t even notice and I was glad for it because I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Talk about the most botched first time.
“Feyi!!!” Anu rushes over and hugs me from the back. “Welcome back.” She says grinning. Irony of the whole matter was Bolatito decided to tell her about meeting Akintomide in my house early morning and she called me when I was leaving his house. I smile back heartily and she comes in for another hug but I frustrate her attempt and start walking away.
“You’re a star now so you can’t hug again abi?” She says as she falls in step with me. “How was the holiday?”
“Fine. It was really nice.”
She sighs dramatically. “I envy you.” We take our seats when we enter the lecture theatre and wait for the lecturer.
“Where is Bolatito?” I ask.
“She is on her way.” She says and rests her elbow on the metal desk staring at me in wonder. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew him?”
Sorry? I turn to look at her and raise my eyebrow.
She laughed deeply. “I know. I know. I know. Don’t bite my head off. So, how is he like?”
“He bleeds.” I say. “And vomits.” I add quietly.
“Eeeeeww. Disgusting. I meant the better details. Did you guys?” She leaves the question hanging and I don’t answer. “Oh my God! You did not!”
I start to talk when I hear Tito behind us. “Here’s our Hannah Montana!”
“Get over yourself.” I say and punch her lightly in the ribs. I don’t want them to sniffle out anything wrong because, honestly, the only thing my life these past few weeks can prove is how stupid, how gullible I really am.
“Priye!” I call out suddenly as I see him walk by and my friends exchange meaningful glances.
He turns towards me and his face suddenly lights up. “Feyi!”
My name has never sounded better to me than this moment especially since I have been wallowing in self pity and low self esteem. I walk towards him md touch him lightly on his right arm even though what I really want to do is hug him. YOU never truly value something until you get the opposite if hopit. For the first time in my life, I totally realise what I have been doing to Oriye. I must make amends. I can feel my friends’ eyes burning a hole through my back as I link my arm through Priye’s but I ignore them and indulge in the delight I see on his face. He is handsome, smart, ambitious, loves me like crazy and most importantly, has a good soul. I feel shitty for what I have been doing to him for the past five years.
At the end of lecture that day, I have gotten additional missed calls notification from Akintomide. I’m really confused right now and I don’t know how to handle this. I wish I could just think of something and do it so that this all disappears.
I know it’s a bit cheesy but I just had to search for her on social media. Now, I realise why I couldn’t find her all these years. She had changed her name to Feyi. So, I tried Feyi Ajayi and voila! She appeared. I searched through her friend contact list and zeroed in on her friend I met at her place that time, had to depend in her first name and profile picture. It took hours but I find her and send a message to her. I’m using one of my fake accounts, so, she sounds snooty at first but then very friendly when I reveal myself. It’s so typical that I don’t even feel bothered by it anymore. She told me about the schedule for the next day at school and promised to inform me when she leaves for home. I thank her for the favor. I have to travel down to Ife tomorrow. If I knew what time they usually closed for the day, maybe I would be right on time. I wanted to let her go because it’s better for her but my selfish self has been rearing its head a lot lately. She matters a lot to me and I have a feeling she didn’t get the memo when she left my place that day. In a better world, that offered me more, maybe, we would be married by now. I don’t sleep through the night and I attribute it to the persistent low throbbing headache as opposed to the excitement coursing through me. I drum my fingers against the board that is my abdomen.
I wake up at ten thirty, take my bath, throw some stuff into a bag, say goodbye to my mum and drive down to Ife.
I am just entering Ife when I get a message from Bolatito and I press down on the gas because I want to get to her place before her.
“No no no no.” She says with a broken voice as soon as she sees me and starts forcefully wiping away tears before they touch her cheeks. She moves to get past me but I take a quick step to obstruct her. She dodges the other way, and I block her again, making a crucifix stance.
“We’re seriously doing this?” She looks like he might burst into full blown tears.
“What? I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry. I don’t understand half of what is going on what the other half? I know I hurt you and I’m sorry.” I truly mean this.
“This is my life, Akin and I’m not looking to get creative.” She mutters jerkily, punctuating her words with murderous jabs of her index finger on my shoulder. “I want you gone. We were good friends or whatever but it ends there.” She mutters as she searches for her keys or something.
“I’ve always been interested, you just never noticed.” I pause, taking in the way her eyes widen the slightest bit. I bet my revelation surprises her. “Every time I see you, Boluwatife, I remember what you looked like when you were ten, the first time I met you. All gangly and skinny. Look at you now. You have filled out in all the right places. You the sexiest woman at that stupid party. I miss you.”
“It’s too late.” She says as she opens her door. “You’re like eight weeks late.”
In my defense, I have been trying to reach her for those weeks especially when she resumed to school like a month ago.
I pause and just stare for a minute. I rush to her and put my hand on her shoulder, urging her to turn back around. She rolls her shoulder to brush my hand off then, partially turns to face me with a guarded expression. I step around to her front so she’s forced to look at me.
“I missed you so much, Tife.”
She moves quickly away and turns away from me, facing the wall. “You’re toxic, Tom Stiles.” She murmurs even though it’s loud enough for me to hear clearly. It hurt me when she said so but what hurts more is that it is true. I get a feeling of doubt for a minute but then I remember that she wants this. She is just having a moment. I just have to work my magic. Right? I have to do this. I want this and I’m getting it.