Everything is a rush from the moment Chinyere gets to the hospital. I am rushly discarded to the side and they rush to his bedside while I am hanging out outside, uncertain of what to do.
I feel so useless. I should go back home but I don’t have cash on me and I don’t even know the way. I sit patiently and watch a florid of activities. People rushing out; people rushing in. I just hope he is okay.
I feel I should go in and remind them that I am still alive and here but that would be grossly inappropriate. So, I just sit till I can’t take it anymore.
Thankfully, they come out and it is agreed that he would drop his girlfriend home before we proceed home. I crawl to the back seat before I remember there is a driver and I need to ride shotgun. I climb back down awkwardly and go join the driver in front. They sit at the back and I glance at them once in a while, jealousy seeping coldly down my spine.
I don’t want to feel this way.
Of course, I can’t say it is love I am feeling. I can only say I feel excitement when he is around and it excites me when he looks into my eyes. Very few times but yes, he has.
Time flies by. We drop his girlfriend and soon enough, we are home. I get down from the car and make to go the book when a hand stops me and I’m turning to meet his eyes- at least, what I can see of them.
“Thanks for today.” He says and squeezes my arm gently.
“It’s no bother.” I say and look away even though that’s the last thing I want to be doing.
He uses his second hand to draw my face back to his and steps a little bit closer and I totally freeze. His hand leaves my face slowly and moves to my shoulder. The other hand still on the contralateral arm. I start feelings tingling sensation all over my body and that’s when I know I am in big trouble. I move away from him. “I have to go.”
“Oh sorry.” He seemed startled.
I had gone considerably further when I hear his voice again. “I’m really sorry” and my heart breaks a little.
I don’t want him to be sorry.
I am not ready to talk to anyone, let alone my roommate when I enter the room and for a moment, I think she is sleeping.
“I saw what happened back there.”
“You are just going to hurt yourself. Men like that don’t end up with girls like us.”
First off, when did we… Oh, forget it.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She stresses.
I don’t even know what to say to her. First, there is nothing she is saying here that I haven’t said to myself. Secondly, we may be roommates but we certainly are not close enough for this kind of discussion, so instead of helping, she leaves me frustrated.
Like I have not been frustrated enough.